I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
