You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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