Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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