im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
