I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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