Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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