He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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