I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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