i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
