i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
