found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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