Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
