I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We talked him into tasing himself.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
