Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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