I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
