I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
