i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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