I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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