he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
