apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
