kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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