Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
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He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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