I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize