she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
