This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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