Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
