someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
