my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
