Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
