I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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