Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
