well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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