theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Randomize
