mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize