So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
