he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
