I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
