i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
