theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
