My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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