that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
