okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
