i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
