dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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