I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
