WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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