I want to have your abortion
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
