Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Success! We fucked roommates!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
