It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
