she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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