6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
