doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
