i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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