Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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