Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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