Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
