so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
