So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
