just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
