sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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