i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
