Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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