I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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