I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize