i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
