Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
