after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
