sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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