Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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