he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
