Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
