we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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