You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
