he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
